


Eyes closed

by herilaveur



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:27:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24786172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herilaveur/pseuds/herilaveur
Summary: Eliott and Lucas were supposed to celebrate their 3rd anniversary tonight...they should be at the restaurant laughing and looking at each other with loving eyes...But in this universe Eliott fell asleep... and and all screwed up from there.If the flapping of a butterfly's wings can cause a tornado, can a nap take them to hell?
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 53
Kudos: 89





	1. Asleep

"Eliott, are you there?"

Eliott's jumping. Shit, he fell asleep on the couch. He wipes his mouth and realizes that he must have been sleeping with his mouth open. Lucas comes into the living room and sighs visibly relieved.

''Oh, Eliott, what the fuck are you doing? I was so worried."

Eliott rubs his eyes with a sorry smile.

''Sorry, baby, I think I fell asleep. But I finally finished my abstract art project, and..."

Lucas goes from worried boyfriend to angry boyfriend in the blink of an eye. He sighs and looks up to the sky.

''I waited for you at the restaurant for 20 minutes, I was worried sick. You're a pain in the ass."

Eliott widens his eyes as he looks at the time and jumps up to join Lucas.

''Damn it, Lucas, I'm really sorry. I fell asleep."

Eliott's looking at Lucas. He's disappointed, sad and angry and Eliott understands that. He couldn't do worse than missing his date with Lucas tonight. They should be at the restaurant, Lucas' hand caressing his on the table while they laugh while looking at each other lovingly. And because of him, they're in their living room and Lucas looks like he's on the verge of tears.

''I'm really sorry, baby. I swear I was looking forward to going out with you tonight. Give me five minutes and I'll be ready."

Eliott tries to kiss Lucas, but he backs away with a sigh.

''Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that makes sense of these things and I feel like a real idiot. I understand it's just a Date, and you've already celebrated a third birthday with someone, so''

''No, Lucas,'' Eliott moans, wrapping his arms around him, ''don't think things like that. I'm sorry. I was tired, I dozed off. I'm gonna get dressed, we're gonna go out and have a good time. And I swear I want to celebrate our anniversary as much as you do. I swear it's important to me. You're important to me, never doubt that."

Eliott rushes into the bathroom, taking off his shirt full of paint. He cleans himself quickly to remove paint stains from his face and arms. He does his hair and he wears perfume because he knows Lucas loves it. He walks through the apartment and goes back to their room and puts on his clothes, which he had fortunately prepared in advance for tonight. 

Barely two minutes later, he comes into the lobby smiling.

"I'm ready!"

Eliott opens the door but Lucas seems defeated. 

''It's too late for the restaurant, Eliott. Forget it, we'll just heat up the rest of yesterday's lasagna and watch a movie. We'll reschedule it for this weekend. We don't have to go out to be together."

Eliott leaves the door open but steps forward to put his hands on Lucas' arms. Theoretically Lucas is right, they could both stay here. Except Eliott knows how much Lucas was looking forward to this outing. He really wanted tonight to be special for them and so did Eliott. Eliott still wants it and Lucas' sad face shows that he does too. Okay, it's just a Date, but it's their Date.

''Please, baby. I really wanted us both to go out. All that matters is just the two of us, you're right. So let's ditch the restaurant, get a bottle of champagne that's left over from Christmas and drink it below deck. Just the two of us in our secret place for a good evening under the stars."

Lucas sighs before rolling his eyes at Eliott.

''You know very well that with you, champagne is not synonymous with a good evening, Eliott.''

Eliott recoils with surprise and pain because this sentence sends a wave of unheard-of violence in his face. Even if that's true. What Lucas says is true. And Eliott knows it. But, when Lucas says it like that, it really hurts. 

"You know what, I'm really sorry I missed the date, but it wasn't intentional. But you're deliberately trying to hurt me. YOU are a pain in the ass, Lucas!"

Eliott leaves the apartment and walks out of the building. He feels anger bubbling inside him. He is angry at him for missing their date and hurting Lucas, but he is also angry at Lucas for trying to hurt him by reminding him that he is not normal. Like he needs to be reminded.

Eliott doesn't know where he wants to go yet, but he wants to walk. So he crosses the road. 

"Eliott, wait."

Eliott doesn't want to wait. He wants to be able to go back in time and be on time so Lucas can see that it's important to him, too. He hates himself for missing it. He hates himself for making Lucas wait alone at the restaurant and worrying him. He hates being the source of Lucas' anger and that he think he doesn't cares. He hates that he hurt Lucas so much that he wants to hurt him back.

"Eliott, wait, I'm sorry.''

Eliott reaches the sidewalk and turns around. Lucas looks at him with a sorry smile and crosses the street to join him. He has a bottle and two glasses in his hand and Eliott immediately smiles. He knows the bottle is the nonalcoholic aperitif Lucas buys for him, but he doesn't care. He just wants them both to have a good time tonight. Just them, under the bridge, under the stars. He smiles as he watches Lucas walk towards him. They're gonna have a good evening after all.

And in five seconds, everything turns into a nightmare. Eliott didn't see the white car until the last moment, It's like she came out of nowhere. The sound of squealing tires echoes along with Eliott's scream as he jumps on the road.

"Lucas!"


	2. Unconscious

He always heard that when you see death in front of you, you see your whole life flash before your eyes. And yet, when the car hits him, he doesn't see his childhood, he doesn't see his parents, he doesn't see any specific moment in his life.

He's all he sees. The man of his life.

And everything goes black.

He doesn't feel his body falling to the ground. He doesn't hear the terrifying screams of the man he loves screaming his name. He doesn't see the flashing lights that crack in the dark night. He doesn't feel his body being manipulated. He can't hear the paramedics. He doesn't hear his sobbing. He doesn't hear his strangled voice trying to tell what happened.

He's just in the dark.

It's like his body's floating. It's like he's weightless. He's not in pain. He wouldn't say he's fine, but he's not suffering. He's suffered more than that many times. He's certainly in less pain than he is. Anyway, everyone knows that it's always the one who's left who suffers the most.

He does not feel that he is letting go of his hand. He doesn't hear his asking to kiss him one last time. He can't see the operating room lights. He doesn't feel their hands, trying to fix him from the inside. He doesn't hear the doctors getting restless. He doesn't hear the beeps of the machines getting weaker. He doesn't hear the long interrupted beep and the "code blue".

He' s not floating anymore. He's standing there and everything around him is white. He has to put his hand in front of his eyes so he won't be blinded. When the light fades, he notices he's walking in the sand. In front of him, everything is blue. The sky without clouds, the sea stretching as far as the eye can see. All he'd have to do is dive in. He wants it so bad. But at the last moment, just before the waves lick his toes, he turns around and sees it. The blue of the sky and the sea seems dull now, so luminous is it. So he's backtracking.

He doesn't feel him kissing his hand. He doesn't hear him crying softly in prayer when he has never believed in God. He doesn't see their friends and family come crying and hug him. He doesn't feel them touching him like they need to check that he's there after all. He doesn't hear doctors giving bad news. He doesn't hear his cry of desperation. He doesn't hear his angry voice telling him not to give up.

He' s kind of trapped. He almost regrets not having jumped into the blue of the sea. He feels compressed but he doesn't know why or how to stop feeling that way. His body is so heavy. He feels like he's hurting all over. He's never felt anything like this before. He just wants to scream and get it over with.

But that's where he feels it. It looks like a feather caressing the top of his hand. And he knows right away that it is him who traces a heart and then the sign of infinity inside it with his finger. Because that is their promise: all Lucas and Eliott are happy together in all universes.

He hears him crying and he would give all he has to be able to caress his cheek and dry his tears.

He hears him say that he is sorry and he wishes he could tell him that he is not to blame, that it is all his fault and that he is the one who is sorry.

He hears the nurse talking softly to him and he is sure that she has put a hand on his shoulder to put him at ease.

''You have to think of yourself. It's been 12 days. You can't stay here forever, you have to think about your life."

''He is my life. I can't live without him. I can't go home without him. I need to be here when he wakes up.I can't abandon him. He cannot stay alone. I have to be there. If he's on his own, he'll give up. I can't."

He wants to scream. He wants to tell him that he won't give up. He wants to scream that he loves him but his body doesn't respond. He wants to cry because his heart hurts. The physical pain is nothing compared to the pain that overcomes him when he hears him crying and imploring him to come back.

As soon as no one's in the room, he reminds him of all the good times they shared, of all the times he realized he loved him. He reminds him of their crazy laughs and everything they did together. And he's telling him how much they both still have to do. Everything they promised each other they'd do one day : wedding, Kathmandu, adopting a rabbit, flying for the first time, having children...

He tells him that the guys brought back the piece of the mural that was on their fridge, at the same time as they went to get him some stuff, as well as a lot of drawings of raccoons and hedgehogs in love. He tells him that he only has to open his eyes to see that he has the most beautiful hospital room that there is...It's so like him to blackmail like that.

He feels his head resting on his hand, his hair tickling his fingers, and tears wetting his skin. He hears her telling him not to give up and telling him that he loves him.

At that very moment, he would give everything he's got just to say "I love you.'' Three such simple words that mean so much. Three words he's said a million times but never lose their meaning. He absolutely must answer him. So he's concentrating as hard as he can on his fingers.

''He moved! Nurse! I swear he moved.''

He tries to do it again but he understands that it doesn't work when the nurse says he is imagining things and he is too tired, he needs to rest. But of course, he refuses to leave.

He absolutely must move his fingers again. He needs to show him that he's here and that he's not abandoning him. So he's concentrating but the only thing that happens is a beep that sounds in the room showing that his heart is changing rhythm.

And he hears him scream immediately.

''Don't say goodbye to me. Damn it, you can't. Don't give up. Don't leave me alone. Fuck, wake up. Wake up, I need you. Wake up! ''

He keeps yelling at him while the bedroom door slams open.

''He needs a sedative, he's out of control. Hold him, he's gonna hurt himself.''

He can't let them drug him, so he opens his eyes. The light immediately blinds him so he closes them again as quickly but he hears them screaming around him. He knows he did it. So he's doing it again.

And this time he sees it. The doctors let him go and he runs to him.

''Eliott, my love. Stay with us."

He's looking at him. He's all he sees. From the beginning, he sees only him. His eyes have never been so blue, exactly like on the beach. The luminous, most perfect blue there is.

He closes his eyes and smiles at him.

"Eliott, stay with me. Open your eyes.''

He's looking at him again. The man of his dreams.


	3. Optimist

''Eliott Demaury - 22 years old - hit by a car 16 days ago. Unconscious when rescue crews arrived. Open fracture of the right femur resulting in a slight perforation of the femoral artery, three transfusion bags inbound. Fractured left shoulder, elbow and wrist. Head trauma with hypertension due to a hematoma, punctured on arrival. Cardiac arrest for less than two minutes during his first surgery. Artificial coma for five days. He woke up four days ago. Some bradycardia, remains under 24-hour monitoring-, EKG scheduled for tomorrow. No signs of neurological intellectuals sequelae but no muscle sensation from elbow to left hand. Scheduled for another MRI on Tuesday. Daily treatment for bipolar disorder for the past seven years."

Eliott looks at the doctors around his bed. This description makes his blood run cold, he'll never get used to it. Nobody should get used to this. So he's looking at all his drawings hanging on the bedroom walls. Lucas was right, he does have the nicest room in the hospital. The mural's right next to his bed and then all over the place are the drawings of raccoons and hedgehogs in love that he gave lucas. And in the middle of it all is a picture of the whole gang at Basile's grandfather's house. Not to mention the colorful balloons the boys brought back yesterday and the words of encouragement they hung up everywhere. 

"Is that all?" the doctor asks, looking at the intern. Just by the tone of his request, everyone realizes that something is missing. 

Eliott sees the intern panicking as he looks at his file. But apparently he can't find the one small detail he forgot.

''You didn't say he had a splenectomy because his spleen exploded in shock. It's on the front pages."

''Lucas!"

Lucas shakes his hand and looks at Eliott with a frown.

''What? It's his job, and he's doing it right. Otherwise, he's not touching you."

Eliott takes a sorry look at the intern, but he doesn't really know what he means by that look. _Sorry, my boyfriend knows more than you do and knows medical terminology like the back of his hand? Sorry, my boyfriend hasn't left my bedside since I arrived and is my personal nurse and bodyguard? Sorry , he wants the best care for me?_...no, actually Eliott is not sorry at all. Then he looks at Lucas, who is sitting on the chair to the right of his bed, smiling.

''Lucas is right. '' confirms the doctor ''No detail is overlooked. But don't worry, I supervise everything and you know it. Relax, Lucas, everything is much better than we could have expected. You're doing great, Eliott."

''Don't you think he's doing too great?'' asks Lucas.

''Lucas!'' groans Eliott again, shaking his hand. 

But Lucas is ignoring Eliott.

''I'm sorry, Doctor. But for seven days we waited for him to wake up, you told me to expect the worst, that the more days went by, the harder it would be to predict how he would wake up. And now he's talking and laughing and thinking clearly. So, I just want to make sure it's not terminal lucidity."

The doctor sighs and asks his interns to step outside before sitting at the end of Eliott's bed.

''Where'd you hear about that? Google is really"

"No" Lucas cut him, "it was in an episode of Grey's anatomy. And I asked a friend in med school who confirmed it was real. Many patients wake up from coma with no after-effects, have renewed energy, talk and laugh with their families and dies in one fell swoop. Please tell me it's not."

Eliott squeezes Lucas' hand a little tighter and pulls it towards him until Lucas turns his head to look at him.

''Hey, I'm here. I'm here, damn it. Sorry to be better than you expected, but I'm not gonna die anymore, okay? Tell him I'm not going to die, Doctor."

Eliott doesn't miss the doctor's light sigh and shakes Lucas' hand even more.

''I can't promise things like that, Eliott. But for now, everything is fine, and we're going to focus on that. In most cases, terminal lucidity occurs the day or the day before death. You've been awake for four days and other than a few bradycardia, you're fine."

''How long until we're sure it's not?''

The doctor looks at Lucas and gets up.

''It's never more than a week. But there's no indication that it's that, Lucas. Eliott is young and healthy, and sometimes it's just luck. We have to prepare the patient's family for the worst, but luckily the worst doesn't always happen. There are cases far more miraculous than Eliott that no one can explain. So for now, everything is fine. Eliott is under constant supervision. You two just need to rest, you really need it."

Eliott looks at Lucas with a smile on his face and shakes his hand gently as the doctor leaves his room.

''I swear I'm fine, baby. You should go home and get some rest, you can't"

Lucas shakes his head and Eliott starts to get tired of him refusing any discussion. For the first few days, Eliott only woke up and went back to sleep but since yesterday morning, he feels better and tries to talk with Lucas but Lucas automatically shuts down.

''I'm not leaving without you, my love. You're not staying alone."

Eliott sighs.

''It's a hospital, Lucas, I'm never alone. There's a nurse who comes in every hour. My parents are here every night after work and you heard the guys yesterday, they said they'd take turns coming to see me every day to take my mind off things. You have to be clear-headed, I'm going to be here for a while. I swear you can go to home. And resume your classes. Your life must go on baby."

Lucas shakes his head and wipes away the tears that are already flowing.

''I'm not going on without you. You don't understand, Eliott. You haven't been through what I've been through. It was so horrible. I just can't leave you, I'm just not ready. You died right in front of my fucking eyes, Eliott, you really don't realize."

''Tell me."

Lucas shaking his head and squeezes his hand a little bit harder. Eliott tries to move over and growl to give Lucas more room in his bed but with his cast leg in suspension and his arm in a sling on the opposite side, it's really not easy. Lucas understands this right away and comes to his aid and then lies down beside him, gently taking him in his arms and Eliott smiles because even like that, with all the casts and wires in the bed, they fit together perfectly.

''Tell me, please, Lucas."

The truth is, Eliott doesn't remember anything. He sees the car again, he sees Lucas again. He hears himself scream, he sees himself pushing him. But after that, he doesn't remember anything. Not even the impact. So he needs to hear what happened and he knows Lucas needs to talk about it, too. He looks at him, begging him, and lucas sighs. 

''I was really sorry I said that. And i still am. I never should have said it. I was such an asshole, I"

''It's OK'' Eliott cut him. ''I really hurt you and I'm really sorry. I swear our anniversary means so much to me, and I'm sorry you doubted it."

Lucas kisses his forehead gently and sighs again. He gently strokes his shaved hair from the surgery and Eliott knows Lucas misses his hair. He loved to put his hand in it so much and squeeze it gently between his fingers.

''It's going to grow back, baby, and they say that hair that grows back is even softer. Please, baby, tell me. We have to talk about it."

Lucas smiles, visibly surprised that Eliott still reads his mind and bends over to kiss him on the top of the head. 

''I didn't understand anything. I was crossing the street, and I heard the sound of the car braking. I didn't even see the car. I closed my eyes, and I felt myself being pushed backwards. I let go of the bottle and the glasses and the next moment I heard the shock mixed with the sound of the broken glasses. I swear I can still hear it when I close my eyes. It was awful. When I opened my eyes, you were lying on the floor in your blood _. Slight perforation of the femoral artery, m_ y ass, yeah, that's the biggest euphemism of the century. It was a bloodbath. I thought you were dead, Eliott. And you are dead! Your heart stopped fucking beating. It should have been me."

Eliott opens his eyes and shakes his head and shakes his hand.

"Don't say that."

''But it's true. If you hadn't pushed me, if you hadn't taken my place... It's all my fault. I'm the one who pushed you out our home and made you angry. I'm the one who crossed over without looking. This is all my fucking fault."

Lucas starts crying and Eliott blames himself for not being able to hold him properly. He wants to straighten up, but his arm is getting in the way, not to mention his leg hanging off the bed. 

"Why did you do it, Eliott?"

Eliott wants to shrug his shoulders, but he grunts in pain. He may not feel his left hand yet, but he can feel the pain in his shoulder very well. He sighs and just takes Lucas' hand in his right hand and brings it up to his lips to kiss him.

''Because I love you. I wasn't thinking, baby. I saw the car, I saw you. I had to save you."

''And leave me alone? What's the point of saving me if I have to live without you?"

Lucas' voice is broken and Eliott understands him. He can't even imagine how scared Lucas must have been. He's had a vision of one of his worst nightmares and Eliott can't imagine how he must feel. He can never imagine but now he has to remind Lucas that it's over and they will be fine.

''Hey, I'm here. I'm not dead. My heart stopped, so what? Did you hear? Less than two minutes. And now it's beating."

Eliott spreads his shirt slightly and puts Lucas' hand on his chest, between all the threads and then puts his over it.

"Look, he's only beating for you, baby."

Lucas clucks between his tears and Eliott knows he's thinking _You're so cheesy_. But he also knows Lucas loves that.

''So,okay'' says Eliott, ''I'm not in the best shape yet, but I will be. In a few weeks they'll take off my casts, I'll learn to walk like a big baby again, you can make fun of me and say I'm your baby giraffe and then we'll go home the two of us, hand in hand. We're gonna put all this behind us, okay?"

Lucas hugs him a little tighter, but Eliott is immediately feeling the discomfort.

''I think you're crushing my catheter, baby.''

Lucas jumps out of bed, taking the catheter with him as it rips out of Eliott's forearm. Lucas remains horrified for two seconds by the blood coming from Eliott's right arm before reacting, pressing down on it and paging the nurses.

''I'm sorry. Goddamn it."

Eliott looks at the nurse with a look of apology as she takes Lucas' place.

''I'm really sorry. I really am.'' He sits in the chair on the other side of the bed and starts crying again, putting his head against Eliott's bed. "I'm so sorry."

Eliott gently moves his left leg so his thigh touches Lucas' head while the nurse rests the catheter on top of his hand this time.

''I can't do better, baby, but I swear if I could, I'd be stroking your hair right now. Don't worry, it's okay. Look, it's over. And in my hand, it'll be less awkward when it's in my arm. I should be thanking you."

Lucas grunts without looking up. The nurse comes and gently touches Lucas' shoulder. Eliott smiled, he was sure that Lucas would soon become the nurses' little protégé.

''Nothing serious, Lucas.'' said the nurse softly. ''Plus it only stained the blanket, I don't even have to change the whole bed. It's okay, Lucas. You just need to relax and rest. Try to sleep or the doctor will give you some medicine for that. You really need to rest, you're too on edge."

Lucas nods and sighs and then rests his head on the bed when the nurse leaves the room.

''I hate myself so much. None of this should have happened."

Eliott taps Lucas' head with his thigh to force him to lift his head.

''It happened, baby. There's no turning back now. It's not your fault, okay? So you're gonna stop thinking that. I never thought it was your fault. It's just bad luck. You're the best boyfriend ever, you haven't left me since I got here. You really think a lot of patients here can say that? You make me want to fight and heal even faster. I swear, I'm really trying to move my fucking left hand to pull you towards me. Come here, please."

Lucas stands up and puts his forehead against Eliott's forehead. 

''I swear I'm gonna get better.'' says Eliott, looking him in the eye. ''And I promise next year I'll take you to the top of the Eiffel Tower to celebrate our anniversary. We'll go up the stairs because I swear I could do it and I'll shout that I love you so that all Paris knows it. In the meantime, with a little delay, happy birthday my love. I was planning to give you a romantic weekend, but a return from the dead is not bad either, I think."

Lucas wraps his arms around him before putting his head on Eliott's neck.

''Thanks for coming back, Eliott. I don't know what I'd do without you.''

''I'll always come back for you, baby. And now I can officially say that you're the man of my dreams.''

This time Lucas chuckles.

''You are so cheesy sometimes. I love it so much.''

''I know. Come on, now we have to rest, doctor's orders. Come next to me.''

Lucas shakes his head and steps back, but Eliott holds him down by the shirt.

''Please. I need you to hold me. You get into that bed nice and slow and hold me tight. Just relax and don't make any sudden moves."

Eliott begs Lucas and then he takes a big smile on his face like he just had an epiphany. And he does.

''Lucas, I never found a place that felt like home until you held me for the first time.''

Lucas rolls his eyes and giggles before he kisses him.

''Oh, my God, Eliott, I'm so ashamed to say that I love it when you talk like that. You're so... so everything.''

Lucas can't get on this side of the bed because of the cast on Eliott's arm, so he goes around the bed and then slowly moves back up to his old position, this time paying attention to the catheter. Eliott sighs with relief as he puts his head against Lucas' chest and closes his eyes.

Eliott feels that he is falling asleep and the only thing he can think about is that he is really standing in the best place in the world: Lucas' arms.

''You're everything, Lucas, you're the only one that makes me want to fight.''

Lucas bends over to kiss him, and the monitor starts beeping like a long, uninterrupted beep. Within 10 seconds, the nurses and this morning's intern running in as Lucas' scream echoes across the room.

"Eliott!"


	4. Alright

He had promised him that they would both go home together, hand in hand. He was so sure of himself. He look at the door of their apartment in front of him and felt a tear roll down the corner of his eye.

''Are you ready?"

Eliott quickly wipes the tear from the corner of his eye and smiles as he watches Lucas put the bags in front of the door. They've done it, they're here, ready to go home after 10 weeks of absence. He was so sure of it and he's so fucking proud of how far they've both come. If he could, he'd jump, he's so fucking excited about it. But instead he jams a crutch under his arm to take Lucas' hand in his.

''Hell, yeah. I've been dreaming about this moment for weeks. Honestly, I thought I'd come straight here after the hospital, I'd be fine without the three weeks at the rehab center. Luckily you were with me there too, you made it so much better and I'm sure it's thanks to you that they agreed to let me come home early after all. Frankly, I don't care if my left hand is weak as long as I have the right to draw and touch you. I couldn't wait to get home."

Lucas looks at him,and the love look he sends him speaks for itself.

"Me, too."

Eliott chuckles.

''I can't wait to sleep in your arms. Having you near me but not in my bed was just torture. I don't ever want to see a folding bed again in my life. Every time you'd open it up and lie on it, it made me so sad. Having you so close but so far away at the same time was definitely the worst."

Lucas sighs rolling his eyes but smiles at the same time.

''Already, I wasn't far away, drama queen, we slept every night holding hands. And you seem to forget that you've been through a lot worse than that, but I'm not gonna remind you. I swear I would never sleep with you in a hospital bed. I've been up to your bed twice, Eliott : the first time I ripped out your catheter, the second time I disconnected your monitor and everyone thought you had a cardiac arrest. Including me. Don't laugh, it was horrible."

Eliott laughs as he remembers the big moment and gently strokes Lucas' cheek. 

''I opened my eyes when the alarm rang, drama queen! I was talking to you, Lucas, you could see I was fine. The nurses were more concerned about your stress and fatigue than they were about me. I swear, one day you'll laugh about it. In the meantime, I'm not tired, but I would go to bed right now, just to be with you. And naked if possible."

Lucas smiles and his cheeks turn slightly red. He moves closer to Eliott to kiss him while slipping his hand through his hair, squeezing it slightly. This simple contact totally electrifies Eliott, and Lucas knows it very well. Eliott gasps while breaking the kiss then puts two kisses in Lucas' neck.

''I can't wait to have sex with you, Lucas. I've missed it so much."

Lucas steps back, gets serious and takes the keys out of his pocket.

''The doctors said rest, my love, so we're gonna take it slow.''

Eliott immediately loses his smile and sighs. He knows what he looks like even though now that his hair has grown back he looks less sick, but it's clear that between his scars, the weight he's lost, his right leg and left hand still splinted, he knows he's not sexy. He understands that Lucas didn't want to be caught at the hospital, but he thought that when they were alone at home, it would be different.

''Oh, no, love, don't do that. I really, really want you, too. So much so that I think I'll have less stamina than when we first time. But I'm really scared, so we're gonna open this door, we're gonna go home and we're gonna take it slow, okay? Not just for you, but because I need it, too. But don't you dare think I don't want you. A guy with a tattoo and scars is so hot."

Eliott giggles as he kisses Lucas. He giggles again when he thinks they've been talking in the hallway for at least five minutes. Lucas opens the door to their apartment and they both frown at the same time.

''What the hell?''

Eliott is the first to enter, now well accustomed to walking on crutches. He's looking at the strings of lights that are lit up everywhere and the balloons floating. He walks to the living room and of course, they're all there.

"Welcome home, guys!"

Eliott takes a big smile as Lucas frowns as he puts the two bags in a corner of the room.

''I had said no, guys, he needs to rest. And shouldn't you all be in class? I don't think I've heard any strikes in the colleges. Even you, Imane? I thought a medical student had to be serious."

Eliott steps forward and sits on the couch next to Basile, who immediately gives him a hug.

''I'm resting, baby. Look, I'm already sitting down."

''Don't worry about us, Lucas.'' says Imane ''If you take your final exams after missing almost three months of classes, we can miss an afternoon.''

Eliott chuckles as he watches Lucas nod. Only Imane can put him in his place like that, even in his own home. And suddenly Eliott feels a little sad about his school. Lucas was able to work on his lessons from their hospital room and will take his exams in June as planned but Eliott couldn't work and he doesn't know yet how the rest of the year will go for him. Shit, he doesn't want to repeat the year again, especially since unlike his senior year in the high school, he's working hard and he's good at it. Well, he was good. He's meeting with the headmistress in a week to talk about possible arrangements for him not to repeat a grade. He sighs and notices that Lucas only sits next to him when he hugs him.

''Anyway, we're not staying,'' Daphne says as she gets up.

''Yeah'' confirms Yann ''we just wanted to welcome you.''

''And we've all cooked for you, you have several dishes in the fridge.'' explains Imane ''we filled your freezer too.''

"And we even cleaned up," says Alexia.

''Honestly, guys, I don't think I'm ever going to get over it.'' continues Emma ''What you keep in your bedside table is''

"It's private!" grunts Lucas.

"It was private" laughs Arthur. 

They all start laughing, even Eliott.

"Thank you guys." Eliott says, straightening up a little. "I swear he's happy. Thank you so much for everything you've done since my accident. You guys are the best."

''You are really amazing friends.'' Lucas finally smiles and says, ''Sorry to be grumpy. I'm just a little stressed out. And I feel weird coming back here. It's just... it's just a lot."

Eliott's kissing him on the forehead. He saw Lucas staring at their building door as they got out of the ambulance on their way home, just so he wouldn't look at the road. 

''It's okay, baby. I'm right here, we made it, we went home together, hand in hand, just like I promised you."

Eliott proposed to Lucas to come home and wait for him to recover but Lucas never wanted to leave him alone. Just the idea of going home alone was too difficult for Lucas and Eliott understood that. If the roles had been reversed, he would never have been able to do it either.

''How did you get them to agree to let you stay with him at the rehab center? The hospital again I understand. But frankly we all thought you'd be forced to go home while he was in reeducation. I was there when they told you it would be impossible. So how did you finally make it?"

Lucas looks at Yann with his eyes wide open and signals that they'll talk later.

''What?'' Surprised Eliott ''Wait what? They didn't want you to come? You told me it was okay. How'd you do it then?"

Lucas sighs, shamefully lowering his head. 

"I threatened to break both my knees."

Everybody bursts out laughing except for Eliott and Imane. 

''And they believed you? You wouldn't have done it anyway." said Arthur between laughs. 

He stops as soon as he looks at Lucas' face.

''Oh, my God, would you really have done it?'' asks Alexia.

''Of course I would have. Plus his transfer had to come in the one week he had an episode, so I couldn't leave him. It's the only solution I could think of."

Imane and Eliott exchange a look that belongs only to them, they know Lucas would have done it.

''I never would have forgiven you for that.'' Eliott says in a serious tone. ''How could you have imagined that, Lucas? You weren't going to hurt yourself for me."

Lucas stands up and looks at him obviously upset.

''Are you kidding me? That's exactly what you did, Eliott! And I don't know if I could ever forgive you for that either."

There's a big silence in the living room and Yann hugs Lucas while Eliott struggles with his crutches trying to stand up.

''You can't say that, bro. He saved your life."

''He almost left me alone.'' Lucas cries ''If he had died, it would have been my fault. The last thing he would have said to me was _You're a pain in the ass, Lucas._ I felt so abandoned and helpless."

Eliott leans on one of his crutches and puts his other arm around Lucas to hug him.

''I'm sorry, baby. I'm right here. See, I didn't mean to leave you alone. I'm not leaving you, Lucas, ever. It's gonna take more than a car to get me away from you. And technically, I think I yelled your name before impact."

Lucas gives him that look that says _Really, Eliott?_ and hugs him while helping him stand on his good foot. 

''I'm sorry, I just feel so horrible. You saved my life and I know I would have done the same for you without thinking. Although I'm sure since I don't have giraffe legs like you, I would've just managed to get us both hit. I'm sorry, this is just too much. I imagined so many times I'd come home without you. I've been so scared. And I know it's silly because you're here and you're okay, but I just can't help it."

Lucas starts crying again, holding on to Eliott.

''I love you so much, my love. If you"

"I know" said Eliott, kissing him. ''I love you, too, baby. I'm here."

"Okay." Daphne concludes, "that's the go signal."

They all start to get up, but Lucas stops them.

''No, wait, you're right : we need to celebrate. We can all have a drink together, right?"

Arthur takes a big smile and goes into the kitchen with Basile to get three bottles out of the fridge.

"We've got it all planned kir without alcohol for everyone!"

Eliott sits on the couch, holding Lucas close to him. He has suffered physically and it will take several weeks to get better, but Lucas has suffered emotionally and it will probably be even harder and longer to repair. 

Lucas has just spent weeks taking care of him, helping him, motivating him for his rehabilitation, encouraging him, consoling him. And now it's up to Eliott to take care of him. And he's really happy that he can be there to do that. He won't tell him now, but he will tell him one day: in all this, what Eliott was most afraid of was not dying, it was leaving Lucas alone.

He slips his hand into his and intertwines their fingers. Lucas turns to him and smiles gently before kissing his forehead.

Eliott leans towards him, closing his eyes until his head rests on Lucas' chest. It all started on the fucking couch. He was lonely and tired and he fell asleep. Maybe in one of Lucas' other worlds, it didn't happen and he just joined Lucas at the restaurant. 

He doesn't even know if he would have preferred that after all. Because ok, it was no easy, far from it, and he'll always carry the after-effects and scars, but their love and connection are definitely reinforced. And now, Eliott is certain that they will be able to face all the pitfalls that they will both encounter. 

He realizes that he is smiling but he is too tired to open his eyes again. He hears the laughter and discussions around him and he feels Lucas' hand gently caressing his back. He knows he's falling asleep, but he doesn't want to move. He doesn't even have to open his eyes to know that Lucas is looking at him as if he were the most important thing in the world.

When he wakes up, their friends are gone. They're both on the couch and Lucas looks at him like he's a wonder. And fuck, Eliott could never get tired of being looked at like that. He knows he looks at Lucas exactly the same way and that's what he finds even more beautiful.

And for a few hours, Eliott feels like they're back to their old lives: Lucas is cooking dinner for them while Eliott chooses the movie they're going to eat and comment on it. They are both and they are fine.

It's only once they are both in their room that he feels it, and he hates it. If there's one thing Eliott can't stand, it's being uncomfortable with Lucas. And frankly, after everything they've both been through, he really thought he'd never feel that way again. 

And yet, now that they're alone in their room, Eliott feels uncomfortable. He stares at their bed like he doesn't know what he's supposed to do.

''Hey, love. It's just me. Okay? It's all right."

Eliott smiles, Lucas reads so well in him. Lucas joins him in two strides and hugs him.

''We don't have to do anything, Eliott. I just wanna sleep with you. I don't care about sex."

Eliott chuckles as he looks up at Lucas' crotch, and Lucas ends up laughing as he looks up at the sky.

''Well, okay,'' Lucas admits. ''Maybe I do care. I like sex with you. But I don't care if we have to wait, Ok. We'll have our whole lives for it. Now come to bed, we need to rest."

Eliott sits on the edge of the bed with his head down.

''What if it never gets back to the way it was before? What if I've lost all my stamina? What if I can't do as much good for you as I used to? What if you"

"Are you kidding me?" Lucas asks. "Is that what you're afraid of?" He looks up and he sighs, "Fuck Eliott, you are so impossible. The only thing I'm afraid of, and that should scare you too, is me hurting you. I'm so afraid I'm gonna crush you or worse, break something again."

Eliott smiles as he gently caresses Lucas' cheek.

"I know you'll never hurt me, Lucas. With you, I feel so good that all the pain is gone."

Lucas kisses him gently, and they both lie back without breaking the kiss. Eliott's right hand slips under Lucas' shirt, and he lifts it up while he kisses him on the neck.

"I missed you so much, Lucas."

Lucas giggles, and Eliott knows he's being ridiculous because Lucas hasn't left his side once since the accident, but he doesn't care. He misses being naked with Lucas. Lucas steps back and gets up out of bed then undresses completely, really slowly without taking his eyes off Eliott.

''Here I am, Eliott. And I'm yours. All yours."

Eliott sits down to remove the splint from his leg, but Lucas stops him immediately.

''Don't worry, Lucas,'' Eliott said softly as he continued to remove it. ''The physical therapist said I could, but once a day for less than 30 minutes, we even talked about positions I could take so I wouldn't strain my leg. But I'm not allowed to take my hand off because he thinks I can't resist the urge to touch you and I know he's right. "

Lucas helps him get out of his splint and undress. They slip under the covers kissing each other, and it feels so good to finally be home.

''You're so beautiful, Eliott. I missed you so much, my love."

Lucas gently kisses Eliott's chest, hundreds of little kisses scattered all over him as Eliott reaches down his hand to Lucas' lower back to pull him up. Slowly, Lucas moves closer until Eliott feels that they are so close that they are one. And at that very moment Eliott wonders why he felt uncomfortable, it was so silly. 

''I'm all yours, Lucas. Only you."

They're making love, amidst kisses, hugs, laughter, tears and whispered love notes. Eliott was right, Lucas would never hurt him... and Lucas was right, he lasted a hell of a lot less time than their first time. And Eliott, too. But they don't care. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be true. And the truth is, everything will always be fine as long as they're together. 

All of Lucas and Eliott will be fine, in every possible universe...

🦝 💖 🦔

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who dared to doubt me? I've told you several times, though: all my fics always end well...I can't imagine it any other way.  
> Well ok, I admit the warning of a character's death was meant to make you doubt me...but technically, since his heart stopped for 2 minutes, I didn't totally lie, did I?


	5. Eyes open

Eliott looks at the time again. 4:59pm Lucas should be out of college in less than five minutes. He gets up from the bench he was waiting on and approaches the building. Lucas comes out right on time laughing with some other students. His eyes widen in surprise when he sees Eliott and a big smile immediately cracks on his face. He greets the group and joins Eliott almost running.

''What did you''

''Happy birthday, baby!'' says Eliott as he pulls out a bouquet of lilies from behind his back. 

Lucas smiles even more as he rolls his eyes.

''You are so theatrical.'' He presses up against Eliott to kiss him, "I love you so much, my love. Thank you. Thank you, Fuck. Thank you for being here."

Eliott knows what he means. It's not thank you for picking me up tonight on our fourth anniversary, it's thank you for being alive. 

''I'll always be here for you, baby. Come on, I got a promise to keep."

Lucas puts the flowers in his backpack,leaving just enough open for the flowers to stick out,then slips his hand into Eliott's. They walk up the avenue and Eliott stops between two buildings to show him the tip of the Eiffel Tower. Lucas shakes his head and gently caresses Eliott's cheek.

''What? Are you kidding? You know we don't have to do this, my love. I never thought of it as a real promise, you know. We haven't talked about it since. Besides, you've had your day at school, are you sure it's not too much? If you're tired, we can go home, you know. I know this month's been really busy for you. Just being able to hold you is more than enough for me."

Eliott shakes his head and smiles. It's true that he's got really busy weeks of classes because he's taking his third-year classes while he's finishing the projects he should have done in second year. He has much busier days than the other students and makes up classes during all school holidays, but at least he doesn't feel like he's lost a year. But tonight, he doesn't care about all that and the fatigue. Tonight, it's only the two of them that matter.

''Stop being so protective, baby. Relax, I'm fine. I'm in great shape, and you know it. We're gonna go up there hand in hand and I'm gonna scream at all of Paris that I love you."

Lucas looks up to the sky.

''You're not going to do that, are you? You're not going to scream when we get up there? You know we won't be alone. I love you, but I don't think we need to shout it in people's ears to say it. Please tell me you're not gonna do that. Oh, my God, you're gonna make me go up there."

Lucas is so cute. Eliott raises one eyebrow twice before taking his hand in his own. That day, he dreamt it an incredible number of times when he was in the hospital. Every time he was between the bars learning to walk again, he thought of that day. Every time he felt like giving up, sitting down and crying, he imagined himself climbing the fucking stairs hand in hand with Lucas. So today, he's totally excited about it. He laughs and turns around so fast, ready to pull Lucas by the hand, so that he follows him, that he stumbles on the road just as a red car passes in front of them. 

''Eliott, Fuck!''

Lucas pulled so hard on Eliott's hand that he propelled him backwards. Eliott is now sitting on the sidewalk at Lucas' feet, his mouth open with the impression that his whole body has bugged. It's only when he wants to talk that he realizes his mouth was open. 

''I'm sorry, I didn't see it.''

Lucas crouches down and immediately wraps his arms around his shoulders and hugs him, tears streaming down his cheeks.

''I hate you and I love you, at the same time. Damn it, Eliott, I was so fucking scared. I want to go home. I want to wrap you in bubble wrap, lock us in a dome and never come out. I want to rip your head off, but I also want to hold you as gently as I can. Oh, God, I hate that you make me feel so much. Just let's go home, please."

Eliott sighs and stands up with a grin on his face.

''No. I promised you we'd go up to the top of the Eiffel Tower, so let's do it. I'm alive, and we're gonna go up there. I want to do it and I can do it, which is just unbelievable because a year ago I was on the edge of life and death. I'm right here, baby, with you. We're alive, so we're both gonna do it. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, but please don't let anything ruin our anniversary."

Eliott stands on the other side of Lucas and takes Lucas' hand in his, putting his other hand in his pocket.

''Are you sure you're okay, Eliott? You look... I don't know. Are you okay?"

Eliott nods his head. He lets go of Lucas' hand to wipe his forehead, but smiles.

''I'm fine. Come on, let's go."

They take their tickets and go up the stairs hand in hand. Lucas looks at Eliott out of the corner of his eye several times.

''Eliott please, tell me what's going on. I can see you're not fine. I swear, if it's too much, we can just take the elevator. We can do it again next year, you know. You know you don't have to prove anything to me. If it was up to me, we'd have stayed on dry land, you know."

Eliott sighs and tries to smile. He knows Lucas can see that he's not okay, but nothing's gonna ruin their night. So he gently shakes Lucas' hand in his and keeps going up.

''I promise, I'll tell you at the top, but I swear my leg is fine. I want to go to the top floor with you, please. I know it sounds silly, but I really want to do it. Every day in the hospital, I'd look out the window and I'd see the fucking top. Some nights when you were asleep, I'd look at the light on top of the tower and think about all the people who come up here every day and don't even realize how lucky they are to be able to do it. I'm not talking about the people who take the elevator. My parents brought me here when I was eight years old for the first time. I climbed the steps like I was climbing Everest and once I got to the top, I felt like the king of the world. And today I want us both to be kings of the world."

Lucas chuckles as he looks up at the sky.

''I climbed to the top when I was 11 years old. I thought I was going to die. My father had to carry me so I could get back on the elevator. I have a horrible memory of that. I don't even know why I agreed to do this, I already know I'm gonna die up there."

Eliott chuckles and stops to kiss him.

''I'm going to turn this horrible memory into a wonderful memory, my king.''

Lucas rolls his eyes and looks up to see the steps they still have to climb.

"You're so sure of yourself. We'll see if you always say the same thing when I get afraid to die up there and you have to carry me."

They go up to the second floor, laughing hand in hand, then take the elevator to the top. Lucas hugs him and closes his eyes as soon as the elevator starts. It's fully glazed and it's actually super impressive. 

As soon as they reach the top, the wind blows them back. Eliott advances close to the railing trying to pull Lucas towards him. Lucas holds his eyes so closed that his whole face is tense.

''Open your eyes, Lucas. You gotta see this!"

Lucas blinks so fast, Eliott is certain he didn't see anything.

''Hell no, it's too high.''

Eliott leans over to Lucas' ear, giggling.

''Are you scared, baby?''

''Hell, yeah. Of course I'm scared. I told you I'm scared. I can't even believe you talked me into coming here. I really fucking love you."

Eliott laughs and gently squeezes him.

''Well, at least you're not in the dark. Come on, Lucas, open your eyes for me. I swear you're safe."

Lucas sighs and gently opens his eyes, but only looks at Eliott and smiles. Then he looks slowly away from him and Eliott sees exactly the moment when he begins to relax.

''It's fucking huge!'' finally says Lucas ''Don't get too close to the edge, Eliott. This is fucking awesome!"

Eliott comes a little closer to the edge again, laughing. Anyway they're safe with the safety railing. 

''Come on, baby. Come with me."

He pulls gently on Lucas' hand and Lucas joins him. Eliott looks at him smiling and kisses him before turning to the void.

"That's my boyfriend," he shouts.

He looks at Lucas whose cheeks are all red but unlike that day on the houseboat four years ago, he doesn't tell him to stop. No, Lucas just looks at him and smiles. There are about ten people around them, some of them look at them as if they were crazy but they don't care.

Eliott turns again towards the void, smiling and gives Lucas one last look before screaming.

''I love him."

Eliott kisses him gently and turns to the void one last time. He opens his mouth as if to scream, but turns back to Lucas at the last moment.

''Lucas, will you marry me?"

He has to speak loudly because of the wind, but he doesn't care. He sees the surprise in Lucas' eyes as he nods. And Lucas' smile is enough to make him happy.

''Yes, my love. Yes. Definitely ''

Eliott kisses him so hard, Lucas is pinned against the security fence. Lucas screams into the kiss, but doesn't break it off. It's like they're alone in the world. Nothing exists around them anymore. It's just them in the gusts of wind kissing. 

''We're getting married.'' Lucas screams as he turns to the void.

Eliott laughs and puts two kisses on Lucas' neck. Lucas turns around and hugs Eliott so fast, he doesn't have time to take his hand off between them. And Eliott starts screaming backwards. He staggers and holds on to Lucas so he doesn't fall to the ground.

''Eliott, tell me what the fuck is going on, please.''

Eliott looks down at his left hand.

''I think my wrist broke when you pulled me back earlier.''

Lucas immediately loses his smile and gently takes Eliott's hand in his.

''Fuck, Eliott, he's all blue. Why didn't you say something?"

Lucas looks at him stunned like he just realized something.

"Eliott, you climbed up two flights of the Eiffel Tower with a broken wrist?"

Eliott smiles.

''And I asked you to marry me, too. By the way, I have two engagement rings in the inside pocket of my jacket...but I couldn't get them out because of this slight setback. So I want you to help me because I really want to put the ring on your finger here, baby. For my ring, I think we're gonna have to wait after the hospital 'cause I don't want them to cut it off on my first day."

Lucas sighs and pulls the box out of Eliott's pocket.

''I break your wrist and you're asking me to marry you? Oh, fuck, Eliott, I broke you. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have shot him. I know he was weakened by the accident. It was unbelievable enough that you regained the use of your hand. I'm so sorry, I'm''

''Hey, stop, baby. We're gonna go to the hospital, they're gonna put a splint on me or put a cast on me and I'm gonna be fine. I swear to you, I can feel every feeling in my hand really, really good. It's nothing, okay? We've been through worse, right?''

Lucas looks at the ring on his finger, smiles, kisses Eliott, and drags him to the elevators apologizing a million times. This time he doesn't close his eyes in the elevator, but his worried look doesn't leave Eliott's face.

''Do you think we can get through one of our anniversary without going to the hospital?''

Eliott comes down from the elevator laughing.

''Okay, I promise next year we'll stay home all day. No classes, no work. Just the two of us. Maybe with bubble wrap if you're nice."

Lucas smiles when he kisses him.

"Thank you."

They're walking down the stairs side by side and Lucas keeps checking on Eliott.

''I'm okay, Lucas. Come on, smile, at least we'll never forget these birthdays. It gives us a lot of stories to tell. Our children and grandchildren will be thrilled to hear these stories. It's always make a splash at family dinners."

Lucas stops and looks at him with his look _Really, Eliott?_ , and Eliott smiles. Nothing could stop him from smiling tonight. Not even a brittle wrist. He did it. And Lucas says yes. 

"Too soon to laugh about it?"

Lucas sighs and nods.

"Fuck, way too soon!"

Lucas goes down again, but Eliott doesn't move. Two people pass him but he stays on the step and doesn't move.

''Lucas?''

Lucas turns around and smiles at him.

"Eliott?"

Eliott couldn't have a bigger smile.

"I love you!"

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment, I love to know what you think.


End file.
